Waiting for Sunshine by my windows

You know that you are floating far away from the place that you have put yourself on with hard work, when you don't even feel like yourself and all you feel was heartache, insecurities, anger and annoyism. 

Yeah, the whole year..the whole freaking year I was being that way. I dont even have patience anymore, i started to think i need anger management for myself. I have enough trust issues to deal with before, and then when someone that I trust and love so much was not being truthful enough behind me, that have strike the switch to the Hell Girl everyone is dealing with now.

Been doing self-improvement lately and keep thinking what went wrong and what have i become. (i believed that i have become a toxic person....really...its scary..)

Its all due to my own doings. Of how I promised myself not be in a nonhalal relationship? yeah, i broke my own promise. 

And recently, I've read something that strikes a chord in my head and my heart. It goes something like this:
" Sometimes a person falls so deeply in love with another person that they forget about Allah. The way Allah teaches such people a lesson, is by punishing them for the very same person they left Allah for, that person becomes a source of their pain. Only to be reminded that Allah is the only true love."

I have tried my best, to talk it out to that person, to make it halal between us. Heck, even mom said she don't even care about the dowry. Just get the akad done is enough for her...and honestly, for me too.

But I am trying my best not to be selfish too.. I tried my best to consider his situation as in no stable career yet. But months turns to year. And what between us, sometimes would turn worse because we have a different definition of what loyal is within a relationship.

And it all comes back again at me for leaving Allah for a mere human being that are not ready to commit to me. How stupid of me... again and again... being committed to people who are not really up for a commitment. Well maybe they did in the beginning, and overtime they just get scared and decided to prolong the time where they should commit.

I'm gonna take that advice from ahjussi...to just focus on me alone. Because the truth is, i dont have any more time to waste. I'm running out of time here. My biological clock..and maybe my lifespan as well.. Health is something rare for me nowadays, lungs began to deteriorate. I just dont have the time to be something else than a commitment.

Last year, there is this guy. Whom i used to know when we were in Diploma. He suddenly pop up in my life again when I was in Japan. And he keep annoying me and looking for ways to met up with me by asking me out for a movie (which i never said no to,besides food). So when I was back from Japan, i watched the first movie I ever watched for quite a long time. We watched Ip Man 3.
He was nervous, i know it from the way he acts. It was not awkward at all despite we never seen each other since 2011. I was so comfortable that night, because I've known him, and i always like him for his jokes and jovial attitudes. Thinking back, i did get attracted to him during those diploma days, during our band practice, cause I will always look for him back then. But i was in a different relationship during those times and he was my junior, so the attraction was harmless to me.

After that movie 'date'. We keep contacting and whatsapping each other nonstop. Sometimes he would msg me till in the wee morning where i've fallen asleep already. 
And exactly on this date last year, we are out for our so called lunch, then fixing his car, then off to dinner at Teh Tarik Cafe at the riverbank. Exactly on this date where I saw that he was being protective over me when this one guy, the boyfriend of one of my friend, told my friend that he wants to matchmake me with his friends, and he looks angry (like could kill people kinda look) and he was restless. Then after the dinner, he didnt let me go home yet, asking me to stay for a while because he wants to listen to me talk. We sat in front of his car, still at the Teh Tarik cafe area, talking and him commenting until his mom called. Then even then, he was reluctantly letting me go.

Then that night, he nonstop messaging me, asking me to continue my stories and him to continues his. We talk and talk and I sense that he have something he wants to tell me, but he keep diverting it into something else. He would stop halfway saying he want to said smthg but prefer not to. After a very long time of going round and round that way, it was 4am in the morning, when he finally let it out. That he loves me, and he wants to care for me. And i was telling him all the condition that i am in, the damage part, the insecurity part, the trust issue part, and he was willing to go through all those. He was willing to wait for me to be able to accept him fully.

And that was the start...and now its been twelve months.
Twelve months of ups and down, of heartbreaks and laughter, of starting over again and again till I was so tired. Wishing for honesty and loyalty that would last but seems like its hard for his part. Begging for his time instead of him giving it freely like the beginning.

I've open my heart for him. I've accepted him inside my walls more than anyone ever was. Being the longest one to stay with me with all my tantrums and emotion swings. 

I love him. I really do. 

Happy 1st Anniversary My Love SAAW.

IMAM MALIK – THE SCHOLAR OF MADINAH

The collection and codification of Islamic law has historically been one of the most important, and challenging, tasks that the Muslim community has undertaken in 1400 years of history. To be considered a faqih (an expert in Islamic law – fiqh), one must have mastery of the Quran, the sayings of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, other sources of law, as well as other subjects such as grammar and history.

One of the giants of Islamic law was the 8th century scholar of Madinah, Malik ibn Anas. At a time when the Muslim community desperately needed the sciences of fiqh and hadith (sayings and doings of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) to be organized, Imam Malik rose to the occasion. His legacy is manifest in his continued influence throughout the Muslim world, both through his own works and the works of those he helped guide on a path of scholarship and devotion to Islam.

Early Life and Education

Imam Malik was born in 711 in the city of Madinah, 79 years after the death of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ in that same city. His family was originally from Yemen, but his grandfather had moved to Madinah during the reign of Umar ibn al-Khattab. Both his father and grandfather had studied religious sciences under the Companions of the Prophet who still lived in Madinah, and thus young Malik was raised in an environment that was based on Islamic scholarship, learning from his father and uncle.

Imam Malik’s uncle, Nafi’, was an eminent scholar in his own right, and narrated hadith from Aisha, Abu Hurairah, and Abdullah ibn Umar, all companions who are noted for their vast knowledge of hadith. Although the political center of the Muslim world shifted away from Madinah during the caliphate of Ali in the 650s, it remained the intellectual capital of Islam. In this capital of Islamic knowledge, Imam Malik mastered the sciences of hadith, tafsir (interpretation of the Quran), and fiqh.

The Scholar of Madinah

After an immense amount of study that extended into his 20s and 30s, Imam Malik became known as the most learned man in Madinah at his time. He became a teacher, attracting a huge number of students to lectures, which he held in the mosque of the Prophet ﷺ. He used to sit on the pulpit of the mosque with the Quran in one hand and a collection of hadith in the other and offer legal rulings and opinions based on those two sources.

Students flocked to his lectures from all corners of the Muslim world. Among his more notable students were Abu Yusuf, Muhammad al-Shaybani (they were Abu Hanifah’s two most important students as well), and Imam al-Shafi’i.

Imam Malik held his classes in the Masjid al-Nabawi in Madinah

The most unique aspect of Imam Malik’s methodology in fiqh was his reliance on the practices of the people of Madinah as a source of law. In the study of fiqh, there are numerous sources that are used to derive laws. The first and second most important sources are always the Quran and Sunnah. After those two, however, the great scholars of fiqh differed on the next most important source of law. Imam Malik believed that the practices of the people of Madinah should be seen as an important source.

His reasoning for this was that Madinah at that time was not far removed from the Madinah of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. It had been spared the political and social upheaval that much of the rest of the Muslim world dealt with. And the people living in the city had been taught Islam by their ancestors who had been Companions of the Prophet ﷺ or students of the Companions. He thus reasoned that if all of the people of Madinah practiced a particular action and it did not contradict the Quran and Sunnah, then it can be taken as a source of law. He is unique among the four great imams of fiqh in this opinion.

In order to ease the study of fiqh and hadith, Imam Malik compiled a book known as the al-Muwatta. This was the first book that attempted to compile only sound and reliable sayings of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ into one book. Imam Malik said that he showed his book to seventy scholars in Madinah, who all approved it, thus he gave it the name al-Muwatta, meaning “The Approved”.

Al-Muwatta was a landmark book. It helped establish the science of hadith, particularly the judging of chains of narrations for hadith. Imam Malik was so thorough in his selection of hadith that it has been placed on the same level (and sometimes above) the hadith compilations of Imams Bukhari and Muslim. Imam Shafi’i even stated that there is no book on earth, after the Quran, that is more authentic than the Muwatta.

Imam Malik’s work was so influential as a book of fiqh that the caliph of the time, Harun al-Rashid, demanded that it be mass-printed and made the official book of fiqh for the Abbasid Empire. Imam Malik, however, refused. He knew that no one interpretation of Islamic law was perfect and all-encompassing. As such, he refused to allow his fiqh to become official, even under threat of persecution and imprisonment.

Imam Malik’s Character

Besides being one of the greatest scholars of fiqh in history, Imam Malik was an incredibly humble and meticulous Muslim. Out of respect for the Prophet ﷺ and his words, he would refuse to narrate a hadith while walking. Instead, when asked about a hadith, he would stop, sit down, and give the hadith the attention it deserved, out of respect for Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. He would also refuse to ride any animal in the city of Madinah, seeing it as unfathomable that he would ride on the same dust that Muhammad ﷺ’s feet walked on. This type of extra respect and meticulousness out of respect for Prophet Muhammad ﷺ certainly is not mandatory according to Islamic law, but simply a sign of the emphasis Imam Malik placed on the importance of Muhammad ﷺ.

Imam Malik’s seminal work, al-Muwatta

Among Imam Malik’s sayings are:

“The Sunnah is the ark of Nuh. Whoever boards it is saved, and whoever remains away perishes.”

“Knowledge does not consist in narrating much. Knowledge is but a light which Allah places in the heart.”

“None renounces the world and guards himself without then ending up speaking wisdom.”

When Imam Malik embarked on the study of Islamic sciences with a teacher, his mother advised him to “learn from your teacher his manners before you learn from him his knowledge.”

Imam Malik’s ideology on fiqh developed into the Maliki madhab (school). As Imam Malik wished, it was not imposed on Muslims as the sole school of Islamic law. Instead, it complemented the other three schools that took precedence in the Sunni Muslim world – the Hanafi, Shafi’i, and Hanbali schools. The Maliki school became very popular in North and West Africa, as well as Muslim Spain. Today it remains the main madhab of North and West Africa.

Imam Malik died at the age of 85 in the year 795. He was buried in the Baqee’ Cemetary in Madinah.

Bibliography:

Haddad, Gibril. The Four Imams and their Schools. Muslim Academic Trust, Print.

Khan, Muhammad. The Muslim 100. Leicestershire, United Kingdom: Kube Publishing Ltd, 2008. Print.

Source: lostislamichistory

Early Life

Studies Under Imam Malik

His Travels

A map of the distribution of madhab’s worldwide today. The Shafi’i madhab is in blue.

Al-Risala

Al-Risala of Imam Shafi’i

Language of Imam Shafi’i