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Being Loved

بِسْمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحْمٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ


Subhanallah Subhanallah Subhanallah

Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah

Allahu Akbar Allahu Akbar Allahu Akbar

Allah indeed knows better..
He is the best planner after all
Alhamdulillah...
He loves me more than i ever know
He saves me time and time again

I was hurt to the point where i feel so low
to the point that i keep asking myself during tahajjud
the tears that i'm crying is it for Him or for my own sadness
Astaghfirullah...
I was so depressed to the point where i'm not sure of my own thoughts anymore

I was blessed...
I really am...
He gave me a few very good sisters who keep reminding me
making sure that I don't stray
making sure I'm not being stupid on my own
Wallahi..i love them lillahi taala
Thank you Dee...for always reminding me
For knocking sense into my head
time and time again
Thank you nor...for trying to be there for me
eventhough you are busy with your own big event
and still trying to make some sense out of me
Still it's hard for me to hold on to that thoughts
As my thoughts was moving like a wrecking train
unstoppable
time and time again
i need to evaluate my own thoughts
which is where this blog would come in
to reevaluate and think
and my heart will be more at ease after

But Subhanallah,
i am a mere human...
my heart was easily swayed and hurt
i was being blessed with both altruistic and emphatic traits
making me feel more than a normal person would
and it was of course one of my weakness that's always been misused

only He knows how rueful and severely damaged i feel at times
up till the point that i can't even feel alive
and the only reason i still keep going was thinking that He loves me so much
that He still want to test me and making me closer to Him with this sadness in my heart
crying to Him every single day
thinking that He still give me chance to run back to Him in my weakest moment
having my faith in Him to help me being strong
i can barely smile sincerely...
and my laughter, it was more empty than anything i ever felt

it was like a sea current
my heart would be at peace some days
then it would get back to the depress state at some
back and forth
no solid state
as i was losing my solid ground

But Alhamdulillah,
I was truly blessed..I really am
I can't explain how loved i felt by Him
He gave me friends that love me as I am
love me with all the flaws i have
love me for the sake of Allah
through one friend, He blessed me
giving me a chance to be a part of a dakwah group
giving me a chance to spread my knowledge with others
even just a simple thing such as wearing hijab the right way
i am far from covering completely myself
but Alhamdulillah, He gave me the chance to be there and give out my knowledge
may it help me later in the hereafter
Amin...

and from there on
He blessed me again with these group of sisters
Subhanallah...
I finally able to smile sincerely and happily again
these bunch of niqabis and hijabis
crazy bunch of them
my heart feel full
as they came into my life not just making me laugh and loved
but due to them, I was finally able to be closer to Him
to be able to join a Talaqqi group
Alhamdulillah...
insya-Allah may my journey will be at ease
May this process of seeking knowledge in me never fades
May we are all able to learn from Quran and Sunnah
May we get the syafa'at from Muhammad SAW in the hereafter
insya-Allah...
Alhamdulillah,
not just the talaqqi class i was being introduced to
now I was part of their usrah group
and learning more knowledge for the hereafter
Subhanallah..
the things He blessed me for..
was more than the hardship He gave on me
I'm aware of that..
but sometimes, this fragile heart still feel a bit bitter

ya Allah, make me sincere
make my heart sincere in everything that I do
make my heart sincere only for You
make my heart be at ease with the thoughts of You
make me steadfast in seeking Your love
help me keep my solid ground this time ya Allah..

-naraj2014-

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