بِسْمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحْمٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ
Oh Allah, my beloved Master.
I've done so many things that I'm ashamed of.
I've made many promises which I broke
Everytime I say, "This is a new start"."I'm done with this lifestyle, this life of sin."
I really do mean it,by Allah I mean it.
I say to myself, "I'll wake up for fajr and it'll be a new start for me".
Then the alarm rings and I continue snoozing it until it's time to leave for work, uni or college.
When dhuhur time approaches, I itch to pray knowing it will bring Your pleasure but I feel shy as no one else prays around me. So I stay still, bleeding inside at my own betrayal.
I come home to see the Quran collecting dust on the bookshelf, oh Allah You know how much eagerly I want to read it..
You know how I think about your words every minute of the day.
Two hours later I'm still on my phone and the night has creeped in and I settle in my bed, too tired to pray Isha'.
Some nights I weep into my pillowcase, why is it the same routine every day?
I want to love You, I want to prove myself to You
Oh Allah, I love You beyond the hearts capacity, I'm sorry for my incapabilities to show You.
Allah, You know I want to change, You can see the state of my heart
But it's so difficult but I know I can do it,
I will continue to turn to You, begging for forgiveness
If we really knew how merciful You are, we would ripped our hearts out in devotion for You and not felt the pain.
I call to You my Lord,
"Oh Lord, I've sinned" and You say "Call unto me, I will respond to you"
"Who can forgive sins but Me?"
The devil said to his Lord,"By Your Glory and Majesty! As long as the children of Adam exist on earth, I shall continuously misguide them."
Allah replied, "By My glory and Majesty! As long as they seek My forgiveness, I will continue to forgive them."
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written above are something I stumble upon... but Masya-Allah, it was everything that I felt and gone through before.
Exactly the same thing.
My heart would yearn for Allah..to read His words, to pray and cover my aurah for Him..
but my environment that time was, no one around me prays, no one around me cares about trying to please Allah..it was all purely worldly stuff..
Astaghfirullah...
during adhan, I would pray in my heart that He would forgive me...forgive my sins..
forgive me for not able to perform what He wants me to do..
Subhanallah Subhanallah...
Subhanallah Subhanallah...
He indeed loves me very much...
I was surrounded by people who makes it easier for me to become a good muslim.
He put those people in my life to keep me istiqamah on what I want to become..
Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah..
ya Allah, forgive me...forgive me if nowadays I forget how hard it was for me to do all Your orders..
forgive me if nowadays I took time to perform my solat on time..
forgive me for the sins I made and for saving me from it again and again
forgive me if nowadays I complaint about how tired I am for not able to sleep many hours during the night..
forgive me ya Allah...
make me sincere in everything I do only for You..
Allah...i am weak..i am forgetful..
help me to keep istiqamah in finding Your blessings..
help me ya Allah...
-naraj2014-
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