Waiting for Sunshine by my windows

I can't remember much about how we became friends...
but I remember that I used to be jealous because she have another bestfriend with her...lol
Now, she's my best-est friend, almost like my lil sis, my childhood friend and I love her very much eventhough she does things not to my liking mostly~hehehe...

She was born in august...under the virgo sign..which makes her a very delicate and sensitive person...Known her since primary 1...which makes it almost 17-18 years of friendship?? o.0
Been there for her every up and down moment of her life...

The funniest memories of her that I would never forget is during lunch in primary 1... XP
My mum always packed me up with lunch...and most of the days its sandwich with mayonnaise tuna as the fillings.. She and her bestfriend back then, and me...us three would always go behind the class to have our lunch together...and she loves my sandwiches very much!
She keep asking me everyday, am I bringing piranha sandwich today? lol...
and I was like...what?? piranha?? hahaha... Due to the deliciousness of my sandwiches, she didnt really listen when I said the name of the fish..which is tuna...all she heard was a 'na' in the end, so she thought, ah! piranha~lol

I'm always nagging you and mad at you didnt I??...hehehe...
but you also know that I did it because I love you and doesnt want to see you hurt by those low-life-scumbag... You worth so much better my dear~
And you know no matter what, I'm always here when you need me...

I still remember those times when we are far apart because we study in different school...
all those letters that we sent through our mothers...hahaha...i bet they read it before we do..coz I keep getting an opened-but-staples-again kinda letters the whole time..hahaha
bet they were laughing reading about how we described the guy we used to have the crush on...lol XD

I know you are going a hard time now with your emotions and also your final year thesis...
I prayed that you'll be a stronger person inside...coz believe me my dear...you are not a tuna anymore....and you can be a piranha yourself~ :P

Believe in yourself and be strong...
And this post is my gift to you~<3

Saranghaeyo dongsaeng-ah~

May Allah blessed you and filled your new chapter in this boat called '25' with a smooth sails...

Amin~

-naraj©2012-

I know I'm not a very pious person and I'm still khilaf in some ways or another...but I'm still learning...

Allah knows my capability and He gave me obstacles that He knows I could handle with my faith still in tact...

Most of the obstacles that comes to me only lead me n my heart nearer to Him...Alhamdulillah~
Since I started working, sometimes makes me forget to ask around about my friends and my other family members...
I'm so sorry for neglecting all of you and I prayed that I could be a better person to help you and be there for you all in anyways that I can...

Spending every night after Maghrib in a mosque near my grams house, I' joining the other for jama'ah for Isya' prayer and also tarawikh...

Praise to Allah, I met my old school frens that I missed a lot...Friends that loves to bring me to do 'solat sunat' in school's surau during middle school...Allah's house is where we played before, and in Allah's house we met again..Subhanallah~~ XD

One of them is getting married and seem happy..Syukur Ya Allah...Barakallah my dear fren, Aisyah L....

One of them, always shows how happy and cheerful she is...but last night, she told me the truth behind her bright smiles... 

"Ya Allah, Kau permudahkanlah segala urusan sahabatku ini di dunia dan di akhirat..dan Kau berikanlah dia kekuatan hati untuk menghadapi ujianMu...Kau berikanlah kemudahan kepadanya untuk bersatu dengan jodohnya yang telah Kau tetapkan di Loh Mahfuz...Amin~"

There's nothing I could do to help lessen her burden...But I believe she is strong..she always been...I admire her since forever for her braveness...all I want her to know is, I'll always be here for her...Love you Suziella J.

Seems like Ramadhan is full of obstacles for people around me... I guess Allah really loves them for giving them the obstacles during this holy month...

For mama , I may have not contacted you guys for a while, but all of you are always in my prayers... From your blog, I understand that something is bothering you, though like usual, you never really show it.. But no matter what, I believe Allah is giving you the most beautiful gift that you haven't realized or received yet for being very patient in every obstacles that's in your path...
I love you ma, for always treating me like your own child and I really love your family for always welcoming me as one of them...

"Ya Allah, Kau berikanlah kekuatan kepada wanita ini untuk menghadapi segala dugaanMu, dan Kau bahagiakanlah hatinya kerana membahagiakan insan2 yang berada disampingnya... Amin~"

For my bestest old friend, Sharmimi B. , I know you still in the long process of recovering and still have those hopes in your heart before...And even though you haven't have the strength to tell me what that person did to you again, I prayed that you will be strong honey..
Yes, karma will always comes around, but remember, Allah's will is greater..don't pray for the bad thing for that person, instead pray for that person to be happy and in health...Allah knows your pain, and your soul is in better place and better condition if you pray for the good thing to happen instead of bad.. That will show how better you are than that person that hurt you. And in the long run, you'll be happier with yourself...If who knows, in the future, you saw that person exactly in the condition that you prayed for...knowing you, I know you will feel really guilty about that later... Save your heart the guiltiness and rueful feeling, and be happy my dear..You know I'm always here for you eventhough I always scolded you for being so weak...I'm sorry but that's my way of protecting you from yourself...

"Ya Allah, Kau berikanlah jodoh yang baik yang mampu memimpin sahabatku ini ke Jannah...Kau peliharalah hatinya, kau siramilah dengan cahayaMu semoga dia sentiasa tenang..Amin~"

 For my ex-roommate during diploma years...Dear sis, I'm sorry for not able to be there for you in your darkest moment... I did kind of exiled you from my life for a while..I'm sorry.. I was in the most terrible condition back then, and I know you never meant any harm to me.. I was just hurt to find the truth from other people..But now I know better and I'm here to be your crying shoulder again...Be strong little one...Insya-Allah, your heart will mend in time...You're still young...and your future is still a long way to go... Who knows, Allah have someone better for you in the future..So pray a lot and believe in Him...maybe it's one of the way to show that He wants you to be closer to Him instead of His creation...Love you and be strong sis..Liana B.


"Ya Allah, Kau berikanlah kekuatan kepadaku, Kau sempurnakanlah akhlak dan peribadiku, Kau tetapkanlah Imanku...Semoga aku mampu menghadapi semua dugaanMu dan membantu meringankan beban hamba2Mu yang memerlukanku..Amin~"

-naraj©2012-

sometimes, I was wondering...
Is it wrong to be patient and let others wronged you?
Is it wrong to be selfish just to get others do their own responsibilities?
Is it too selfish for me to think of myself and the time I need for me?
Until when do I have to be patient? Until when do i have to take every blame on me?

Ya Allah, I have so much more to learn...
Give me strength to get through with your test...
Strengthen my Iman so that I wont stray away from you...
Make the seeds of Your Love grows stronger and bigger in my heart...

Amin...

-naraj©2012-

Agree or not, but the fact is we human, really do lives our life depending and worrying on other people's perceptions...
Some people may not care about outsiders perceptions, but they care about how people would think about their family if they act certain way...
Kids grew up being mock with, questions and words that wants them to think or care about others perceptions...
Adults tend to makes decision and take their own action due to people perceptions of their family...
This world is getting twisted...
The only perception that we need to care is Allah SWT...
Coz He's the one who's going to decide where you can be in the hereafter...no one else...

thinking about others judgement or perception tends to come from the lack of gratitude thoughts in our mind and heart...
When you feel grateful and realize that, all you want is just the blessing from Him, you won't care about what other people say about you or think about you...as long as you know what you're doing are in the right path...

Believe me, i know it's hard to be grateful when you always gets thing but not the one that you really want...
As an old Ulama' saying used to say, "to feel grateful, don't look up to what people have...but look to the one's who doesn't get to have anything including what they really need.."

We humans, tends to forget...we whine and says that "it's not enough"..."this is not what I want"..."i want the bigger ones"...and that sort of things...but we never feel grateful on what we have...especially when we were born perfectly perfect with both working eyes, both hearing ears, nose that smells, mouth that speaks, hands that moves, legs that runs and heart that beats...we forget how lucky we are to be perfect...how beautiful we are to have all of those...all you see in the outside appearance is just a mask...what really matter is how beautiful you grew you heart and soul instead of seeding it with darkness...

I'm not perfect in the department too...I know...I'm still learning to be as good as I can be...
I used to be the girl who always whine and says how unlucky I am...how unlove I am...
but Alhamdulillah~, He gave me the Light and showed me how Lucky I am..how much Love I received from my surroundings...
and I feel greater gratitude when I read a story from "Separuh Syukur, Separuh Sabar" book which I read recently...it goes like this:

"So Gabriel (the angel) was sent to the earth to ask the cow, is he happy to be created to be a cow...and the cow answer, "I am very much grateful to be created as a cow than to be created as a bat who bath with their own pee"...and Gabriel went to seek the bat and ask the same question, and the bat answer," I am grateful to be born as a bat than to be born as a worms who have to walk around on his stomach and live in the dark soil"...and so, Gabriel went and seek the worm and ask the same thing..so the worm answer,"I am grateful to be born as a worm than to be born as a human who keeps on doing sins and never realize the great thing Allah have given to them..".."

So, you see, even animals can see how pitiful we are to be born as ignorant human who never be grateful for what we have...

Let's try to learn and be grateful even for little things in our daily lives....if we have no money, be patient and fast...in the end of the day, Allah will give us something that we need in return without us knowing it...
if we have no gf or bf, learn to be a better person yourself, then that right person will find you at the right time...if we have problems with our family, be patient and just smile...just pray that in the end, they will change their mind..if not, just make sure you'd be a good daughter or son to your parents even though it kills you, coz Allah will always forgive the dutiful children who respect their parents as long as it's not a sin...

Allah is always there for us, so why don't we strive to be there to remember Him all the time too...
Even when you think you have no one, Allah is there...go to Him, and He will run to you~<3


Lots of Love,
-Aziey Aj 2011-

I may be young...
*and thank you to those who've wished me my birthday..which fall on 10th June 2011, Friday...
A blessed day and a very blissful one... (n_n) *
but I feel like I've lived on so many lives,
been through so many emotions,
been on different crossroads,
been thinking about so many life changing ideas,
been through so many difficulties,
been through so many happiness,
been listening too lots of stories,
been walking through many shoes,
and that's what lead to what i am today...
I am grateful...

I'm just human,
and a girl at that...
some says i'm still naive..maybe I am now...
but my grandma says, I've been too matured since I was young...
oh dang, maybe my maturity decreased by age huh?! hahahaa...
I've made wrong decision...but mostly I've tried to be on my best...
though since last 2 years, I've been giving over to my silly and crazy sides which sometimes leads me to stupid decision and regrets...
though people around me says that it's a regret..but for me, it's a lesson that I learned and I really treasured it...and maybe some of it I do feel like I'd rather forget...
well I guess, most of my decisions a done with my altruistic-self being the final judge...
in the end, I don't want to hurt anyone involved..unless they deserved it!! muahahahhahaaa~ *evil laugh*

oooowwwkkaaayyy~
back to the topic...
it's a question most people asked me lately..including my cousins...ngeee~
why the sudden change? why hijab? why now?
and believe me, 6 years ago, friends asked me...
where's your hijab? fly with the wind? got culture-shock??..miahahaha~


ok~ here's the thing,
I love wearing hijab since small...I even forced my mom to buy me one to wear when I was in primary 1..
and she's the one who asked me not to..but she relented to me in the end...so I've been wearing hijab since primary and secondary..but only in school...
the thing is, my mom is not wearing, and my sister is definitely not a fan of the idea...she even used to forced me to not wear it when we were small..with the reason that it would look weird that my mom is not wearing one...
so, eventually, getting tired of the nagging...I forget the idea of wearing it out of school...
it's been like a normal thing to me as time goes by...like a uniform..wear it only to school...

then I get the chance to further my study at Labuan..1st time being far away from my family...
and this is where I feel like I wanna get close to Him...because I'm scared of being drifted away being far from the home and people that always keep me grounded...
and I wear hijab full-time and I even became part of the mosque 'family'...
but when I went back home, i dont know why i feel like a hypocrite, so I let go of my hijab even after I entered the Uni...
and that's where people that knows me from Labuan starts asking me about my hijab...geezz~
I do feel weird being asked that way..hahaha..oh well, it's in the past...
so, i've been thinking and telling myself, if I ever pursue my degree, i want to wear it completely and permanently...
but, after I went for my degree, i have some hesitation, so I hold on to that idea..till I really feel right...
then my mom told me that she's going for umrah, I'm so stoked for her...
and when she came back , she starts wearing hijab...and my desire to wear it grows stronger...
and when my ex-housemate, the cute Pika, told me this words, "I love my dad, that's why I started wearing hijab..because a girl's sin is being hold by her dad until she's married"...and I was touched..
so I thought, maybe this is the right time...and I started slowly wearing it with my other family over in Shah Alam...the family that's been there for me and treat me like their own child...

I'm thankful and blessed, because all these while, He's been giving me the Light and even though I forgot Him sometimes, He's still there waiting and keep guiding me to the right path....Alhamdulillah...

So there...I really hope those question is answered now... n_n

so there...here's the new me...anymore questions? n_*

How strange that Nature does not knock, and yet does not intrude!  ~Emily Dickinson~

  I'm in love, I believed i am...
  with your strong body...
  your long arms...
  your tan skin...
  your beautiful colors...
  the way you soothe me...
  the way you comfort me...
  everytime when I'm under your arms, without failing...
  and everytime I look outside my window, you were always there...
  standing out looking at me...
  always there when I want to see the beautiful you...
  always there to cure my sore eyes...
  and I hope you will always be as beautiful and strong as you are now...
  my lovely tree outside my window~

Lot's of Love,

-Aziey Aj 2011-

not sure how to describe my feelings now...
it's a mixture of serenity and  thunderstorm..ahaahhaa..
despite everything that's been going on, I'm blessed to be surrounded by amazing friends..the real friends that stick with me and see me through my ups and down without discriminating me but helping me out by waking me up from my deep slumber and from my own foolishness...family members by blood that keep supporting me and cheering me up whenever I fall from my cheery chair...family members that are not from the same blood, the one that I look up to when I want to run away from all the chaos in my life here..where no immediate family are available..but I have them to run to, to turn to, to seek my peace at, to feel like I'm not alone...though I can't even show it (ah, the downside of being me..), I'm better in showing it in typing words rather than my action...

I just wanna say 

for being in my life and makes me feel loved and appreciated...and accepted for being me...
and most of all, thank you for supporting all the decisions that i have made all my life..whether it's a foolish one or a right one, and you guys let me learn for my own mistakes without turning away from me...I am blessed and I just can't say enough appreciation for that...

I'm trying to find my way back to who I was before...the me that only in love with Him..the me with only Him in my heart without a care bout anything else...coz I know, there's no love more pure than His... He who would never leave me alone...He who would never leave me broken hearted...Oh how I missed Him...how I missed being in His arms...I prayed that this road to salvation will be strong enough for me to walk it through...Amin...

Lots of Love,

-Aziey Aj 2011-