Pain

"There is not a single word in the whole world
That could describe the hurt
The dullest knife just sawing back and forth
And ripping through the softest skin there ever was
How were you to know?"

There was a saying that i read somewhere.
It sounded something like this:

"Don't compare your afflictions with others around you. Maybe Allah gave you a harder test because He knows, the harder the test He gave to you, you will get closer to Him and you are able to overcome it. And maybe He gave ease to others because only with ease they will get closer to Him but if given afflictions, they would collapse and fall."

Alhamdulillah...i believe i am strong enough.
He trusted me with this pain..
and insya-Allah with this pain,
i keep running to Him and asking for His help..
i cried to Him to make me strong..

it's been far too long for me to be consumed in this pain
i know, i should move on
i know, i can move on
but i still feel the pain no matter how much i tried
and i know, He won't let me suffer for no reason
maybe when the pain is gone, i would not be dependent on Him anymore
maybe He wants me to keep crying to Him everyday

i am weak, i know that now
i never thought i would feel this low in my life
i never thought i would feel so helpless and hopeless
i never thought i would become undone just because of a mere human
a human that i trusted to hold my heart

All this while,
i always thought that i am capable of not being dependent to a man
always thought that i've been in love with the wrong people
enough to make me strong enough to walk away easily
always thought that what i have before was real love as well

but i guess, i just never really loved anyone yet
not until i met him
which i fall deeply and easily
and the happiness that surrounds me
it was something i always dream't about
it was like a dream come true to me
a miracle given by Him to me
someone that makes me feel so blessed and loved by Allah

and by that, there is also a saying:

"every test is a blessing and every blessing is a test"

and i guess, i failed the test in blessing
my thoughts was consumed by love for a human not Him
my heart was given to a human not Him
and this pain is His way to remind me
that all i need was Him
that He want me to cry to Him
that He is the one and only i should hold in my heart

Alhamdulillah...
if this pain is what makes me closer to Him
i'll accept it with open heart
it may hurts, but i do feel peace at times
it hurts coz its hard for me to let go
it hurts coz i never fall this deep with anyone before him
it will keep hurting but i will be okay
His planned is better that what we planned
He knows what lies ahead
He knows what's best for us
I will be fine...

May I pass this test and found the blessing at the end of the rainbow.. n_n
Amin~