بِسْمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحْمٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ
I might seem so strong
Yeah, I might speak so long
I've never been so wrong
-London Grammar "Strong"-
Strong
I always thought I was strong
Strong in being steadfast
Strong in staying committed to Him, my one and only
Strong in keeping my faith
Strong in trusting His qada' and qadr
But I was wrong
I never been so wrong
I was weak
I was fragile
I was almost lost
when it was just me and Him
I make sure that i steadfastly do dhuha, tahajjud
Believing in Him that one day everything will be clear to me
Believing that I've been blessed by Him more than I should
Believing that I will keep praising Him no matter how happy I am
for He is the source of all happiness
and I still believed it
but then,
when the beautiful blessing came to me
the dreams come true kind of blessing
i was too consumed in the happiness that i felt
i was too in love with His creation instead of Him
i was strayed
i depended with His creation to feel happy
some days i started missed my tahajjud prayers
due to beautiful dreams that i refused to wake up from
i prefer to keep dreaming and dreaming
dreams of the day i would be together with His creation
dreams of the day we finally able to meet
i was lost in my own blessing
i failed to be strong
i was weak
and i didnt realized it
i have sins
and jeopardized my own soul
how terrible it is
for me to depend on His creation for all the beautiful feelings i felt
i started to yearn for more
i started to demand for more
i started to want more attention
and at the same time
i neglected my midnight prayers to Him
i still do my fardh prayers
keep asking for our happiness
but i forgot
i have ignored the time when He will listen the most
i was too weak to fight with my own emotions
and i fall
to the deepest and darkest place i have ever been
i keep on falling
i saw those lights around me
i know, if i tried really hard
i can move myself out of this pit
-naraj2014-
[to be continued]
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