بِسْمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحْمٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ
"The drought was the very worst, when the flower we grown together died of thirst. The rain come pouring down when I was drowning. That's when I finally breathe."
Months and months have passed by,
Getting older and wiser day by day, insya-Allah.
Learnt a hard lesson that somehow changed who I used to be,
Changed some part of me that I can never really admit,
Until came that news.
Subhanallah,
He won't test His servant if they couldnt cope with it.
and I know, my greatest weakness was my heart.
I used to be proud of my own heart, despite the hard world outside,
I'm able to still hold on to my own version of fairy tale,
and still a hopeless romantic.
But now, the thing I am scared the most is this heart of mine.
The knives cut in my back still somehow holds the wound open,
I'm trying hard to let it heal, but it still bears the deepest scars I have ever had.
The me before, would be very happy and without hesitating will agree
The me after, the me now, having some trust issues
Words, I used to hold on to, because my words are things I meant
Now, words is just not enough to make my heart at ease
Hesitation after hesitation
One reasons after another
To the point I start to doubt myself,
Am I enough?
Am I ready?
Have I done enough to make my own queen happy?
Before I could make someone else's queen as happy as they want them to be?
Have my faith for Him strong enough?
Will I let the love for another creature takes over this heart more than my love for Him, like I did before?
Am I strong enough to make sure that these would not happen again?
Am I good enough?
I don't even understand who I am anymore
I don't even know who I am before
But I know what I want and what I need to do
I know my ultimate goal is only one
Will I have to let go of the one that really knows me
the one person who understands me more than my own blood
Heart
even if it's four months older,
it is still fragile after all
cause that's where all my fears resides.
-naraj2014-
